I am, I am, I am

Mama

(Not me its my sister, but I just love this photo of my Mama)

A little entry for Mother’s Day, although I should be showing appreciation for my mother every day…

I know (most) people will say this about their own mother, but my mother is the single most important figure in my life. She is my utmost role model, my strength, and I honestly don’t know who I would be without her. I have yet to meet anybody that has her amount of mental, emotional, and spiritual strength. As a mother, it’s often taken for granted the amount of sacrifices and steps they’ve had to take for the sake of their children…but my mother has done so much more than I could ever imagine someone doing for any other human being. She’s been through so much, but still pushes through everyday with a great spirit and it inspires me more than anything.

People who know her will first see her physical handicap and assume she needs help of some sort, and friends throughout the years have asked me how difficult it must have been living with a handicapped mother. Since she had her stroke when I was just a baby, that’s the mother I’ve always known. It never occurred to me that a daughter needed a mother that could run, carry me, etc. She never lacked in any way…so I never thought about it. In fact, I felt bad for other kids because their mother’s didn’t show them the amount of love my mother did/does. She made me amazing bento lunches everyday when most kids just got money or PB sandwiches, she taught me how to be independent and domesticated from when I was a child because she understood most kids were spoiled by physically fit mothers, she pushed me to experience and learn things most kids didn’t because she knew it would benefit me one day in the future, and she goes way beyond out of her way if she even has the SLIGHTEST idea that her kids could benefit from something she could do for them.

Mama’s stroke is something that HAPPENED, but it’s not who she is. She is an incredible mother, daughter, wife, and friend - her inner strength is always MORE than enough, and her physical inabilities never ONCE compromised her role as my mother. I never once wished for another mother - to me, she provides a million times more than any other mother. We’ve been through alot together…I mean ALOT…and too many fights when I was younger…but I am infinitely grateful that I can call her my Mama. I love her so much.

She is so beautiful inside and out, I can only hope/strive to be like her to my future family.

Just watched Kabei, Our Motherwith my mama. Had no idea what I was getting myself into - I was already getting overemotional over Mother’s Day and now I’m a total mess.

What I think about when I run

Everything, but also nothing.

Usually snippets of lost thoughts collected in a little corner in my mind throughout the day (or night). They come back to me at once in no purposeful order, I guess, because it’s the only time I feel like I really have to myself that is entirely for myself. I also have moments where I’m just running, and my body is moving but I’m thinking of nothing. Just feeling the different textures in the air and my feet hitting the ground at a rhythmic pace like a metronome.

I think discovering my love for running is one of the best things to ever happen to me. Running makes me appreciate my body for being strong and able enough to physically take me where I want to go, as far as I want to go. I can’t quite describe how emotionally, mentally, and spiritually liberating it is, but other running fanatics feel the same I’m sure. Whenever I’m feeling angry, frustrated, lost or depressed, a run has almost never failed to make me feel better. Going a day without running makes me feel depressed, disgusting, trapped, and irritable.

This city is so beautiful

Seriously considering moving here.